That is what everyone says, the best four years of your life. So fun! Meet amazing friends and relationships that last a lifetime. Thankfully, I lucked out on the friend part they are amazing and thank god for that. Boyfriend part, lets just say for the first year we were dating I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world, I thought I was going to marry him and my life would be perfect. I don’t know what it was.. if he got comfortable and let his guard down but about 8 months in was the first time I genuinely was afraid of him. But, the next day he cried, he was so upset. He couldn’t believe he had screamed at me and grabbed my arm to stay, he couldn’t believe how angry he had gotten over nothing. I forgave him, I was more concerned on if he was ok than if I was ok. That was the first, the very first time of many more experiences, escalating to more severe circumstances as the relationship went on. and again and again and again. I forgave him, and I thought I was ok, he wasn’t.
If you’ve ever watched Gilmore Girls, you know the episode. Grandpa, a.k.a Mr. Gilmore has a heart attack mid teaching a class at yale. At the time Lorlei is on uneasy terms with Christopher. Well, this episode was my life as a 20 year old girl. Boyfriend, in Cancun for Spring Break (without me). I am in Florida and let me say this more than once in this blog, I knew exactly when it happened. I knew when I was cheated on, I knew when it was over. I tried so so hard to hold on so hard. Getting back to it, season 7 episode 13 of gilmore girls, I live the shell of the episode to a simple level. Hearing that my dad was having heart issues calling my boyfriend’s phone and having no one answer, having my boyfriend say he has been too exhausted from his trip. And knowing just knowing that he wasn’t exhausted he just absolutely couldn’t face me. As the whole time I knew deep down he had already cheated on me, and it was already over. I still wanted my best friend. I wanted him to help me no matter what he had done the past week in Cancun or in the past of our relationship.. I just wanted him to talk to me, just talk. This episode pulls at my heart strings, one of the worst feelings is waiting for the one person you need to pull through but knowing that they will not come.
Here I am, Anon, I’ve had this idea to share my experiences with relationship violence and abuse for quite some time. I want to do this in hopes of giving anyone a place to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Relationship violence is something that is more than often brushed under the rug by most, including me..initially. It is so so hard to talk to people you know about all aspects of abuse. So here is your safe place if you’re looking for one, here you can email me if you want or just read on how I became happy and healthy again and how l feel strong not broken. I am creating this site for me and all readers who would like to follow along but most importantly I want to express how completely unique relationship violence is. There is no identical story every situation can be different. I believe, that those who have been through it, or are going through it or think one of their friends is a victim of relationship violence.. I believe we can all work together to help each other move forward and break away, to find our individual lights at the end of the tunnel.